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Avoiding revenge in a divorce

Unhappy couples in Texas may be tempted to seek revenge in the context of divorce litigation. While the urge to humiliate and embarrass a misbehaving spouse is understandable, giving in to that temptation is not recommended. The financial implications of paying lawyers to wage a proxy war are obvious, but the more subtle effects of such behavior heavily impact the emotional and mental health of everyone involved.

The most compelling reason to avoid the scorched-earth litigation tactics that accompany most revenge-motivated strategies is child welfare. When parents fill the air with slings and arrows, children get caught between their two primary role models. Young children may not understand, and older children could be compelled to choose sides. All of them bear witness to pain and heartache even if parents vow to spare the details.

Another reason to step away from revenge is that judges are rarely shocked by even the most salacious detail found in a divorce file. Having heard thousands of cases, most judges are eager to move past faultfinding and onto determining workable resolutions.

When parties to disagreement focus on revenge, they force themselves to live in a painful past. Doing so during divorce robs them of focus when the future well-being of their children requires forward-looking behaviors to prosper inside changed realities. Setting aside the hurtful past provides an example for children as well as a path to healing for all concerned. A more appropriate use of the divorce process is establishing appropriate boundaries and dispute resolution procedures for co-parenting.

Even simple divorces are painful and require careful consideration. A confidential consultation with a family law attorney could be helpful for a soon-to-be ex.

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